Last month I posted on here asking if you were okay. Well, the truth of the matter is, I should have taken a look at myself when I posted that.
Lately, I don't feel like I'm myself. I have a very short fuse, I'm really not interested in doing anything that I would normally enjoy and all in all, I'm just sad. I'm not really sure what brought it on but I've noticed it more in the last few days. As someone that's dealt with depression in the past, I know that it will come and go. I've had days where I was "down" but it would usually go away after a few hours or so. This time around, it doesn't seem to be going away.
I have this feeling like I'm stuck in the mud, hence the thumbnail I used for this post. For those that are close to me, I'm not sure if you've noticed anything or not. Please don't take it personally that I haven't talked to you about this. For one, I'm not one that is totally comfortable talking about my feelings. I know that sounds strange since I'm writing this and putting it out there publicly. Writing for me is different than talking. I can get the feelings out and just let them go. Second, I really figured out that I wasn't "right" within the last 48 hours. Like I mentioned earlier, I go through this from time to time and it goes away. It dawned on me just the other day that it wasn't going away.
Self doubt is such a powerful thing. Not sure if it's an emotion or feeling, so I went with thing. Either way, self doubt is what I'm dealing with right now. I honestly wish I could tell you exactly what I'm "doubtful" about but it's tough for me to put my finger on just one thing. Let's just say that it's everything. What I can put my finger on is that I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am constantly looking for a way to get myself "unstuck" but before I can do that, I need to get rid of the "I'm not good enough" feeling.
I know we all feel down from time to time. I know we all go through our own personal struggles. I'm not posting this looking for anyone's sympathy. I'm posting this, for one, to let anyone know that they are not alone in their struggle. For two, to just get all of these thoughts out. Part of what I do for a living is sharing my personal life with my audience. Well, this is as personal as it gets.